How to write an anniversary message that sounds like you

The three-part shape

1. A memory. One moment, with a real detail: a place, a date, something that was said. “The night the bus broke down in Ipoh” is a memory. “All our adventures” is not.
2. What it meant. One or two sentences on why that moment still matters to you.
3. Looking ahead. One line on what you want next, together.

That is all. Three to five sentences is a good length for a card. If you are writing a letter, repeat the shape with two or three memories.

Before you write: five questions

• When did you first know this was serious?
• What is a small habit of theirs you would miss?
• What was the hardest week this year, and how did they help?
• What do the two of you laugh about that nobody else gets?
• What do you want to do together next year?

Answer two of them in a sentence each. You now have most of your message.

Short messages (for the front of a card or a text)

• Another year of you stealing the blanket. I would not trade it.

• Still my favourite person to do nothing with.

• Three years since you laughed at my parking. You still do. I still love it.

• Of all the tables in that café, I am glad you sat at mine.

• Same us, one more year. Happy anniversary.

For a wife or husband

• Ten years ago we promised each other the easy days and the hard ones. You kept every part of that promise. Thank you for this life.

• I still remember you standing in the doorway of our first flat with a bucket because the roof leaked. We had nothing and it was perfect. Happy anniversary.

• This year asked a lot of us. You carried more than your share and never once made me feel it. I see it, and I love you for it.

• Our children will never know how nervous you were at the wedding. I will. Happy anniversary to the calmest person I know, most of the time.

• Thank you for every early morning, every school run, every cup of tea you left on my desk without a word. I notice all of it.

For a girlfriend or boyfriend

• One year since you missed your stop because we were talking. I am glad the train kept going.

• You learned how I take my coffee in a week. I am still learning everything about you, and I hope that never ends.

• I used to think I liked being alone. Then you started sending me photos of every cat you passed.

• Two years, four cities, too many airport goodbyes. Every one was worth it.

• Thank you for being patient with me this year. Next year, I plan the trips.

First anniversary

• A year ago I was too shy to ask for your number. Look at us now.

• Our first year: one burnt dinner, one flat tyre, a hundred good mornings. Here is to the next one.

• I did not know a year could feel this short.

Long marriage (20 years and more)

• Twenty-five years, and you still save me the last piece. That is love, and I know it.

• We have grown older in the same house, the same habits, the same jokes. I would choose every one of them again.

• Thirty years ago you said yes in your mother's kitchen. Thank you for saying it every day since.

Gentle and funny

• Happy anniversary to the only person who knows exactly how I snore and stayed anyway.

• You are my favourite argument and my favourite apology.

• Thank you for pretending my cooking is good. Five years strong.

Common mistakes

• Lists of adjectives (“beautiful, kind, smart”). One example beats ten adjectives.
• Quoting a famous poem instead of saying your own thing. A plain sentence of yours means more.
• Bringing up a recent argument, even as a joke, unless it is truly settled.
• Writing it in the car on the way. Write it the day before, read it once the next morning.

Where to put your message

On paper, it is something they can keep. On a Lockette card, the message also appears when they scan the card with their phone and the photo on it comes alive. The card opens a private gift page with your names, the photo and your message, behind a question only they can answer.